Haryanvi Jokes


Tau's Jokes

Tau went to see "Sholey"

One day Tau went to see Sholey. Veru was tied up and Gabber said,"Nach Basanti Nach". Veru screamed," Nahen Basanti..., en Kutto ke samney mat Nachna".(No Basanti don't dance in front of these dogs.) Tau who was watching the movie very curiously exclaimed ," Nachegi Kyuna, Pandra rupiye nu he thora na de rakhe Saien". (Why would not she dance, I have not given fifteen rupees in vain.)

Contributed by- anita@freekindia.com

Tau Got a Guest

One day a guest came to Tau's house at night. Tau thought that he has to prepare food and serve to the guest, so what to do to aviod this at mid-night. He think upon a plan. He asked the guest,
Tau:" Ha bahi Roti to Khawega"? ( Ok then, you would take food?)
Guest: Haan Tau Roti to khani sain. (Yes Tau I would take food)
Tau: Kitni Roti kha liya kara. (How many Chapatis you can eat)
Guest: "Tau Teen". (Three)
Tau : "Tu !!! Tu teen roti khawaega, Lagda to nahi. (You!!! You will eat Three, It doesn't seems so)
The guest thought that Tau perhaps cook heavy Roti So he replied," Tau do Kha lunga"(Ok, two would do)
Tau : Tu !!! Do roti khawaega, Lagta to nahi. (You!!! You will eat Two, It doesn't seems so)
The gust again thought perhaps Tau's Roti is perhaps too heavy, so replied," Thik Tau to ek he kha lunga"(Ok, Tau I would have one).
Tau: "Rey Mirar, Kyun ek Roti khatar hath sandwawe ga, Sebere ke faltu kha liye"(Oh! Come on why to get my hands dirty for one Roti, In the morning you can eat one extra).

Contributed by- shaily@indiatimes.com

Tau and Thief

Once a thief broke in to Tau's house and successfully completed his operation. In the morning when tau wake up he went to police station for lodging an FIR.
The policeman asked : "Tau ke Bkhat Tha"( Tau what was the time).
Tau :" Bhai Bkaht to mada ey tha, taien to yeh rasey ho gaye" (The time was bad, that's why this trouble happened).
The policeman :" Tau Bajya ke tha"( Tau what was the time).
Tau answered:" Key batau daroga ji, ek lath to mera sir mein bajya tha or ek teri Taei ke ser mein bajya" (What should I tell inspecter ji, one stick hit on my head and one on your Taei's(Tau's wife) head).
Policeman :" Tau ye bata Ghari pey ke bajya tha"(What was the time in the clock).
Tau :" Beta, Ghari pey to ke he tikya hta aur wa tut gayi"( On stick was hit on the clock and it broke down).

Contributed by- op@ayurecure.8m.com

Tau on Buss

Once Tau boarded a buss. Bus was very much crowded. On looking around tau found dirvers seat vacant and quickly grabbed it. After some time the dirver came and asked Tau to vacate the seat. Tau as usual refused to part with the seat. The driver politely said, "Tau mene Bus chalani sai"( I have to drive the Buss). Tau replied," To phir mere sir pe baith ke chalawega, pechay baith ke nahi chalai jati" ( So you would dirve while sitting on my head, why don't you sit behind and drive). The driver said jokingly and politely, " Tau pechay baith ke chalayi to buss pchey jawagi" ( If I would drive from behind then it would go back). Tau answered " Hammn !!, tu mene bewkuf samaj rekhya sai, mene bera sai, bus main to ek ulta gear bhi hoya kere" (You think i am a fool, I know that there is a reverse gear also in the buss.

Contributed by- amitabh@ayurecure.8m.com

Tau on Railway Station

Tau went to station along with his friend. They were talking by the door of the compartment and the train started moving. Tau and his friend ran along with compartment and after a long chase Tau was successful in pushing his friend into the compartment. After the train left the plateform Tau started to cry and laugh hysterically. Lot of people gather around tau and asked TAU ROTA KYON SE(Tau why are you crying). Tau said BEES SAAL KE BAAD DOST SE BECHHORA HO RAHA SE.DUKH KI BAAT HAI NA (I am parting away with my friend ater twenty years. It is a sad thing). People praised tau that in this mechanical age tau still has a soft heart. Then they asked TAU HASSE KYON SE (Tau why are laughing). Tau answered SALA MANNE CHARANE(see-off) AYA THA,MAINE USKO HE CHARAH DIYA ( He came here to see me off, but I saw -off him).

Contributed by:- robkapoor@hotmail.com

Tau in Train
Once a Tau was Travelling in a train. Sitting by him was a young couple. Wife asked the husband to open the window. The husband tried to open the window , but could not as it got stuck. Tau stood up and opened it with a single push. He then said , " Young man you should eat some thing."
After some time it begain to rain and the husband tried to close the window but again couldn't. Tau stood up and closed it again with push and said " Beta Kuch KHAYA Karo". ( Son you should eat something) Husband thought that it's too much and he must do some thing to teach Tau a lesson.
He stood up and tried to pull the chain of the train. Again Tau stood up to show his strength and pulled the chain in a single push and said " Beta, KUCH KHAYA KARO". The train stopped and the guard asked who pulled the chain. When he arrested Tau the Husband said ," TAU, THORA KAM KHAYA KAR". (Tau you should eat a little bit less.)

Tau on the Road

Once a Tau was gonig on the road. A car wala blew horn from behind. Tau looked back asked the dirver," Ya sadak ke tere BAAP ki Sai ?" ( Does this road belongs to your father ?). The dirver replied in annoiance ,"HAA". Tau immediately replied ," Apne BAAP se keh de sadak thorii CHOREE karva de ga, Yoo Tau na halley".( Say your father to broaden the road as this Tau wouldn't move aside.)

Tau Learning English

Once Chautala thought that he should teach english to his father . He started teaching from A for Apple B Bhains ( Buffalo) etc etc. When he came to M he said M for Mummy or 'Maa'. Proceeding further when W came Tau said ," Yaa kimi Jaani Phchani lage hai". (It seen that he has seen it some where). Then he recollected ," HAA, YAA SAI TO CHAUTALA KE MAA PER YAA ULTI KAYUN HOO RAHI SAI".( Yes, It is Chautal's mother, But why she is upside down.)

Contributed by: ukgoyal@hotmail.com

Tau on Cycle

Once a Tau was going on a cycle and rammed it into a lady. The lady yelled " Rai Tau tanne dekha konia, teri etnee badi badi much ho rahi." (Cann't you see Tau you got such a big Musthaches.) Tau replied " Muchain me ke break lag rahi see". ( Do I got breaks in my Musthaches).

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Last revised: January 30, 2001.